Recent Comments

8/17/21, 3:28 AM
This was a great idea for a submission! I thought it was cool that the place was a gay polyam commune, and it was fun reading about how Billy Bonkers affected the excessive order. You set up Jack's life well, why he wanted to change, and how Daniel rescued him. It seemed like some of the plot elements came out of nowhere, but that *is* how life tends to work - not much foreshadowing. It felt similar to stream-of-consciousness literature. One thing I would suggest is adding punctuation to the end of all your dialogue. All the other writing has full punctuation and correct spelling and looks good, so it's kind of jarring whenever a quote doesn't end in the proper punctuation, and it makes the writing appear lazy - falsely, since your writing is good here.

8/17/21, 6:23 AM
@Soren Fitz Ah, grammar, my old nemesis. Read on its own the story elements are rather random, but this is actually a "Midnight Sun" if Dalton Creek on Gay Spiral was "Twilight". That story is... something. It's the same story elements told from the other perspective. This is like a Disney version of Dalton Creek's Grimm fairytales. I wanted this story to function as a stand-alone, maybe the start of a series of one-offs where different duos from the commune go on dates and things.

8/17/21, 12:53 PM
@Norismo That makes so much more sense now! I noticed a few hours after reading that you had posted twenty-three chapters of Dalton Creek stories in the past, and now I understand what’s going on.
8/17/21, 4:33 AM
Hottt. Hope more is to come.
Chase Darksyde
1/16/20, 11:33 AM
Having been fascinated by theory of shit force feeding and scat play but never having overcome the resist to do for real yet, this story would be my rescue if that was possible for real. Though some longer fight would still be nice

8/17/21, 2:24 AM
@Chase Darksyde It's one of those things that is just much better as a fantasy and might as well just be left as fantasy.
8/15/21, 7:06 PM
Great chapter about the morning condition of Erik and Eli. Good to read they are this far already. What extra will Vincent do to Erik to surpass his fear of already expected physical pain. Hope there is afterwards some room for a story about Erik when he is searching for more humiliation and pain at work too. There could be some thugs who would like to give a tattooed and pierced cop a new chapter in his new life. How far will the feminization of Eli go? There might be some colleague of Eli who will be asked to help.

Blackjinx123
8/16/21, 5:08 PM
@uniform53, so glad you liked it! I already have a story arch for Erik and Eli mapped out, but the idea of thugs vs. mindfucked cop slut is a hot one! There are other people in Vince's life that deserve punishment who i havnt introduced yet... something to think about ;)

8/17/21, 12:22 AM
@Blackjinx123, sounds promising, I hope there is a muscled sergeant (neighbour who encouraged Erik to beat his brother more often?) on Vince's list. The most active thug (loving verbal and sexual abuse already) could be trained to be the beast in the planned sex videos. Sorry, a lot of fantasies through my mind already.
8/16/21, 11:59 PM
well, let see how things will go from now one
8/16/21, 11:23 PM
The first part made me like Charlie more. Even if he later goes and does something very villainous, it was good to see he's not entirely remorseless, and that he's not seeing his professor as pure carnal interest. It was a good chapter, for a moment I thought Charlie was going to start to make changes here and there to fix the mess he made, but I had forgot that rule. It's much better the way you wrote it, it was too early in the story to begin with changes at all directions, and I like a lot Prof Dover's confusion . By the way, I think that about "call Charles Baker random fat nicknames when they’re alone" adds a little cute touch.
mcdermottr13@gmail.com
8/15/21, 5:27 PM
I loved the humiliation in the dream. Keep up the great story.

Blackjinx123
8/16/21, 4:49 PM
@mcdermottr13@gmail.com, so happy you liked it! i had a blast writing that part!
8/16/21, 10:16 AM
Another great chapter! I’d to see they breakfast we really need to see the whole family interacting

Blackjinx123
8/16/21, 4:47 PM
@zeeker8b, thanks so much! the first breakfast for the new and improved Kingston men will definitely be one for the books!
Anonymous
8/16/21, 8:50 AM
wow the stories and the build up is really good. nice work man

Blackjinx123
8/16/21, 4:42 PM
thanks so much, so happy you like it so far!
8/16/21, 4:13 AM
thank you for the fast update! i love the struggles that the 2 are now experiencing! I hope there will be a domestic slave for either of the dad or the cop brother!

Blackjinx123
8/16/21, 4:42 PM
@Erratic101, I'm so glad you like it! Writing the bully brothers freak-outs is a real treat. There will be a slave in the future, but I'm not going to spoil it! ;)