Recent Comments

4/17/22, 1:08 AM
I will comment on some good parts and some areas that could be improved. The good: The premise is interesting and compelling. The kinky, domineering benefactor who wants to improve the body of the main character while also taking pleasure in the discomfort and humiliation that he causes is hot. Hottest part of the story. The means of exerting control, by playing on the precarity of the main characters financial situation adds a touch of realism to a premise that would otherwise be strictly fantasy. Controlling the main character by limiting his clothing only to the somewhat kinky and fetishy sportsgear is nice. Very hot. The areas that should be improved: While controlling the main character through clothing is interesting and hot, too much time spent counting singlets or worrying about footwear choices detracts from the story. The idea is hot, the actual execution of how the main character thinks about how he will manage it is not very hot and should be shortened. The reader will figure it out without too much insight into the main character's thought-process here. Masturbation! The only sex so far in the story has been masturbation but it barely received a sentence when it happened. Consider trying to flesh out the main characters horny thoughts, desperation, and describing his moments of release. This is an erotic story after all.
4/17/22, 12:37 AM
I felt like this was a great hook for a story. It's just a prelude and I wasn't expecting much to happen, but it was interesting enough that I'm about to click the "next" button so I think you achieved what you wanted to with this. As for the language, I think you're doing just fine. Yes, it's pretty clear this is not your native language and there is both minor word choice and syntax errors but nothing that made it impossible to follow the action of the story. All you can do is continue to try and improve, there's no easy way to do it.
suitedsubmissive
4/16/22, 7:52 PM
Fucking brilliant! Why I wouldn't want to become "hoggo"!!??
Anonymous
4/16/22, 7:46 PM
GRRRR
4/16/22, 2:49 PM
My favorite one so far in the series. And the "briefs" action really did it for me, so hot!
4/16/22, 12:18 PM
Better then it it was all those years ago! I hope you write new stories!!
4/16/22, 10:36 AM
Improved and changed in the best of ways. But I'll never think of it again isn't possible for poor Joaquin. He will do a lot of thinking and acting.
SM-Olli
4/16/22, 7:41 AM
Wie gesagt saugeile Story, nach nochmaligen lesen muss ich est mal mich abreagieren und warte schon sehnsüchtig auf die Fortsetzung Und das es sie jetzt hier gibt und nicht nur bei (men on the net) zu finden ist
4/15/22, 8:48 PM
Damn that was hot! Please keep going! He has his own rubber slave now, I look forward to what else he will do.

Rubber_Lover14
4/15/22, 9:08 PM
@Marik29 I'm glad you enjoyed it ^^. I'm also curious on where I could bring it in the future. While _A Jocks Karma_ is my primary focus, I may have this be a secondary series that I work on as a Side project. Or I could use it as basically a world that i set my commissions in. Dunno yet. any suggestions on what you'd like to see in the future would be much appreciated, cause it'll help me in making another part if I decide to do so.