Recent Comments

7/3/22, 11:30 PM
Ass upgrade, though one that is a special ability that sorta counters what Rusty is doing. Maybe an passive which turns (temporarily) submissiveness into dominance, though mainly focused on dominating the one fucking. Or one that is a 'temptation' and would make Dusty interested in defying Rusty since he'd be under control of Carter's ass? I don't want Rusty to win(like others), and Carter getting an ability which makes the weakness Rusty gave him a strength against him would be nice.
7/3/22, 10:20 PM
I recommend the custom spelling, but since Carter is becoming the dumb jock slave, he should let his master make the decision for him. This reinforces the dom/sub status and still provides creativity on what could happen. And since Carter is completely getting it from the rear, may I suggest chasity be introduced? Perhaps some more kink wear like a leather jockstrap or some latex?
7/3/22, 8:52 PM
Looking forward to the rest. When he was getting hard, so was I. Thanks
Jul 3, 2022
7/3/22, 5:45 PM
Pretty darned good for a first story, with an interesting premise and some vivid descriptions of sex. I did have a writing suggestion for you, however. When doing a revenge story like this one, it's a good idea to spend a little more time on character set-up so that the reader feels the revenge is warranted and karmically satisfying. You do tell us a bit about how Kyle perceives Dean as a homophobic "arrogant asshole," but the revenge element might be more satisfying if you actually showed Dean behaving in this way towards Kyle.

7/3/22, 7:43 PM
@Hypnothrill You’re totally right. I knew it needed some character and story development in that area -- for the story’s flow as much as the revenge set up. I was worried I would push off publishing my first story because it wasn’t “perfect” again; so… I bit my lip, accepted its imperfection, and just hit publish.
Anonymous
7/3/22, 1:52 PM
Ass upgrades. Make it bubblier and able to drain power from Rusty
easdf
7/2/22, 10:05 PM
God I hate Rusty. I vote for Custom Special Ability as well. I want Carter to win and get out safe. I hate it when the bad guy wins and Carter deserves better than being dumbed down and forced to have another persona that he explicitly said he did not want multiple times. all I can hope for is that like many stories before, those who sin with Hubris will find the world turning on them, and in this case it is even shown in its original ancient Greece form.

7/3/22, 1:31 AM
@easdf I wasn't expecting literary references like this on my silly smut story...

easdf
7/3/22, 11:46 AM
@bluesuedewho I really like to analyze stories and movies 😅​ In my opinion, adding elements from Greek tragedies without even trying is a great sign of talent!
7/2/22, 3:54 PM
Oh yes! Looks like my suggestion made it in, though thankfully with an option for Carter to take and win over Rusty. As far as I know, only the Character Carter gets his mind dumbed down, but in a way, Carter himself is safe and is simply forced to roleplay Character Carter. Hopefully. Sure he himself would probably be affected with his other half's dumber mind, but if he could just focus on being himself, he can make it. Custom Special Ability to improve casting. That seems like the option that would allow him to craft a Special Ability that could save him. Or he could purchase a Special Ability to become a monster.

7/2/22, 6:23 PM
@ChronoSeth Yeah, this, for sure. Improve his casting, I still want to see him find a way out, to outdo Rusty and trap him a bit more. Nobody said Rusty's own cum attributes couldn't affect himself, either. Could always end up eating Carter out after the fucking, accidentally triggering himself with it.

easdf
7/3/22, 11:37 AM
@ChronoSeth It's actually a great question. Do we know everything will go back to normal once the game ends? Also, how does the game end? Technically I guess Rusty, as the DM has the option of continuing the game forever therefore enslaving Carter (hopefully this won't be the case).
7/3/22, 8:14 AM
Looking forward to reading more of this. 😏

7/3/22, 10:42 AM
thanks for the support @NeedControlling i hope you'll enjoy where I'm going with this
Martin
7/3/22, 5:38 AM
Hot and cute!

7/3/22, 10:41 AM
thanks for the support @Martin :D
Anonymous
7/3/22, 6:05 AM
Since Carter is getting dumbed down, I think the easiest way for a dumb spellcaster to cast spell would be channelling mana through an already drawn spell formula, aka magical tattoos. Of course, D&D doesn't work that way, but it is one of the plausible route for him to continue the path of dumb spellcaster.